So while I’m here, I’ll get this off my chest.
These are the symptoms that my friends don’t know about.
Some of my most difficult symptoms are the images that I can’t shake from my mind. Frequently, I’m driving home, or reading a book, or taking a shower, or doing the laundry, and an image or a thought will come into my head. Usually a violent one. It is so hard to say this. I’ve never been able to say it.
I’ll usually worry about children. I’ll see an image of a child being hurt. It terrifies me.
I try to push this out of my mind. I’m just worried about children getting hurt all the time.
I’m also very worried that I will find someone who has commit suicide. Once, in my town, a young man hung himself at night in a playground. I don’t like to be the first one at a park. I really only will go in if there are already people there.
I’m always worried that I will get lost. I use a GPS everywhere I go. I have a piece of paper in my bookbag that had my class schedule and all of the building names and the room numbers. I check on this paper frequently to make sure it is still there in case I forget where my classes are. If I’m having a bad day I’ll carry it in my hand and check the doors to make sure they’re the right rooms.
I check the “to” field in my text messages three times before I send, and at least once immediately after to make sure I’m not sending it to the wrong person.
I have dermatilomania.
I hate the sensation of being wet.
I’m 20 years old and I can’t put my foot down next to my bed in case something under it grabs my ankles. I think thats the most terrifying place to be grabbed.
Probably no one will read this, but thats ok.